#Old Homes: A Silent Cry of the Old and Deserted
Dr.Hayam Qayyum
“At 67 when we need care and protection, our children do not have time to spare a moment for us,” said Fahmida, a widow. She was living with her sister before she was sent to an old age home, six months ago. Misfortune struck as her health started deteriorating. She was neglected, ignored and humiliated as her sister’s family tried to get rid of the diseased lady. And her sister tricked her into going an old age home.
According to the statistics, there has been a 20 percent increase in people housed in old homes since 2009. And hundreds of such people have been sent to various old age homes in twin cities in previous months. There are 87 percent widows and widowers of 45 years of age and above, 9 percent are unmarried and above 30 years of age. 5 percent are married and do not want to live with their spouses. 95 percent having one to eight children. 1 percent children visit their parent once a month, 2 percent children send gifts on Eid days via others and 97 percent never show up.
Nijat Center administration said, “Old people forced to live at old age homes so their health deteriorate aggressively. The ‘regret’ that they are empty handed, kills them before their death. Their appetite is disturbed and they cry silently. It is very difficult for us to do catharsis to bring them to normal life.”
Dr. Ayesha, a psychologist expressed concern, “As parents grow older they need special care and love because they have sacrificed their whole life to facilitate their children. In this fast pace of technology and rising inflation children do not have either time or money to spend on their parents. So they abandon them. This behaviour disturbs the old people emotionally and makes them more and more withdrawn. It is a great lose that cannot be easily fulfilled. They pretend that children are spending time with them, taking care and never let them die alone.”
“I am waiting for my son, he promised me to visit every Sunday. I think he is busy but someday he will free me from cage,” said Ghulam Hussain at St.Joseph’s Hospice.
This particular old home was established in 1964 in Rawalpindi comprising of sixty beds and receiving 300 patients a day. Dr.Paul told that hospice has teaching facility attached to Islamabad medical and dental college. Old people visit us with psychological trauma from family trauma and loneliness.”
Most of the women living there claimed that they chose old age homes with own will and far happier there. “Nobody ever visited them, but parents never speak bad about their children,” said Jacqueline, a nurse at St.Joseph’s Hospice.
Mehr Jahan an unmarried women living in Edhi homes Islamabad expressed as much, “It is like my second home. The organization looks after our basic needs and provide medical support too. My four brothers having good positions yet I decided live here myself.”
According to Dr. Atique, a social analyst, “the fast pace of society is crushing the family values, no one cares about their relationships. Couples are divorcing or separating and children are abandoning parents. Callousness and selfishness, both are becoming part of personality development.”
They don’t talk to, listen to or care for elderly people. It is very easy for the families to abandon the burden of elderly people by declaring them psychologically ill. I have witnessed children myself who did not even attend parents’ funerals. They only send money and sometimes they don’t even bother with that. Their thinking is westernized and they follow the western family structure and values.”
Maqsooda, a divorcee with five children and four houses in her home town and now living the lifeless life. Her husband accused her that Maqsooda had an affair with someone and she was unable to acquit of blame in front of Jirga. So Jirga decided she should surrender her entire property to her husband and children. As she did so, her husband restored to a second marriage and took up residence in one of her houses. Her children now have divided her property and sent her to Get Well Soon, an old home.
It is a matter of serious attention that people are not bearing the responsibility of their parents. Religiously, socially and ethically it is the children’s duty to take care of their parents. One must not forget: ‘As you sow so shall you reap.’
